(x) I’m not as into Harry Potter as I used to be but by God I love headcanoning characters into Hogwarts.

norcumi

I need more of this

If my kids were magic, I would want the school to have Eliot Spencer teaching DADA not Snape.

Also because Eliot is like the best mom-type in the whole wide world.

tygermama

Eliot would either not let you get away with anything or make that disgruntled sigh and help you with what ever it was you were up to while bitching about how your performing your mischief wrong the whole time

introspectivenavelgazer

Eliot would totally be that teacher that also showed the kids how to deal with dark wizards with a knife, books and whatever else you could get your hands on before they even cast a spell.

Now I’m thinking he’s not DADA but something like herbology, just to surprise people.

thatpreciousthing

I expanded on the idea over on my twitter, the basic plot being “the Leverage Crew has to unravel a conspiracy at Hogwars by pretending to be teachers, despite none of them actually having any magic” and yeah, yeah it’s basically all of this.

Like, the big plot twist would be Eliot ACTUALLY IS A WIZARD but he still thinks teaching his students martial arts in DADA is more effective than memorizing countercurses.

Other highlighs:

Hardison invents assistive devices for squibs & starts writing his own custom spells by dissecting spell linguistics and breaking them down like programming.
Parker gains a reputation in transfiguration - “She can make ANYTHING disappear!!”
Nate looks over all the low-magic classes he could pose as the teacher for, throws that list aside, and decides he’s gonna teach Charms despite having 0 magic.
Sophie is actually a squib from a pureblood family that’s why nobody can fucking figure out her origin story

introspectivenavelgazer

WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO HAVE YOU WRITE THIS?

Nov 17 2018 8,889 notes Source

221b-superjohnlock

SenD HElp

Tweet: https://twitter.com/TricksyLiesmith/status/997200465103392769

Jul 21 2018 26,701 notes Source

inconvenientsarcasm

I arrive at the park

Dinosaurs: Released

Tits: Out

Life: Finds a way

I am forcibly airlifted from Jurassic Park.

Jul 18 2018 124,335 notes Source

valkyrielesbian

Some highlights of the Thor Ragnarok script:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury

Why on earth did they cut Hela calling Loki “That little shit”

liamdryden

At first I thought this was all one scene and was still like “yeah that’s the movie”

Jul 18 2018 99,732 notes Source

hotcommunist

me, uncovering a shallow grave of moss and driftwood: hey hozier what’s the mood for pride

hozier, blinking up at the light, awakened from his slumber: the ghost of the lesbian that possessed me when I wrote work song asks that the parades be bathed in light so beautiful it is hitherto unknown outside of the golden hours, that her children be protected, that everyone has a place in the shade to rest with the fawns and magpies, and that cops are drowned.

me, tucking him back in until it’s a new moon: thanks bud

Jun 9 2018 59,122 notes Source

blackness-by-your-side

this 👆🏾

thefingerfuckingfemalefury

Do these straight people just like

Not actually comprehend anything happening right in front of them

the-sunshine-cult

heteronormativity is a hell of a drug

captain-forehead

May I add:

reverend-spines

Once on Facebook I mentioned getting married at a big mad max themed campout. One of the guys that regularly attends told me to take my wife to visit his camp for a drink. I told him my husband, actually.

And he then said “wow, I’m sorry, I’ve never met a girl named dave before! Now I’ve seen everything.”

This dude thought I was a girl name David before he thought I was a gay man. Straight people are wild.

Jun 8 2018 415,963 notes Source

trashfirefallon

Hairdresser: We’re going to have to use a color remover to take out the blue pigment, then apply more pigment to allow for the proteins in the hair to adhere to it. Then possibly mix three different types of toners to reach the goal of your natural hair color.

Hairdresser: pretty simple

Me: this is chemistry

Hairdresser: yeah, but people don’t like when we talk that way

trashfirefallon

Hairdresser: so you’re a mortician?

Me: apprentice

Hairdresser: do you know why formaldehyde is used in clothing?

Me: I didn’t know that was a thing

Hairdresser: I think it’s due to the preserving qualities? But I don’t think that’s right.

Me: It’s not just a preservative, it’s also a disinfectant ‘cause it destroys bacteria as well as their food supply. It’s also a dehydrator.

Hairdresser: why not just use alcohol?

Me: good question. Formaldehyde is super cheap, so probably to cut costs

Hairdresser: is it really a carcinogen?

Me: yeah, I’m going to have so much cancer

trashfirefallon

Hairdresser: so you’re going natural to work at a funeral home?

Me: yeah

Hairdresser: while still in school?

Me: well we work in the funeral homes so we have uuuuh … experience with cases

Hairdresser: you can just say bodies it’s fine

Me: oh thank god

trashfirefallon

Five Minutes Later

Me: yeah so we don’t do autopsies it’s one of my pet peeves

Hairdresser: what if someone wakes up while you’re embalming them?

Me: there’s a huge difference between a living body and a dead one

second hairdresser: I think we should add more toner, but yeah I think rigor mortis would make it pretty obvious

Me: that and being in a fridge for a few days you will be dead by the time you get to us

Hairdresser: I think pumping them full of a carcinogen would help with that

Jun 8 2018 185,459 notes Source

holahydra

I need to talk about the fact that Bucky’s still got his right hand 100% free and could be punching Spider Man into next Tuesday already. But he still stood frozen, looking shocked as all fucks and lemme tell you right now that that was not because someone’s managed to block his metal fist because lbr the metal arm was never unstoppable before, especially when super-enhanced/-equipped people are involved – so basically he doesn’t take that punch cus he’s actually just now able to hear the other guy’s voice and it clicks that this is just a fucking k i d

wendigocanada

#THANK YOU SOMEBODY FOR SAYING THIS OTHER THAN ME #LIKE THANK FUCKING CHRIST SOMEBODY REMEMBERS THAT THIS IS A GUY WHO STOOD UP FOR ITTY BITTY STEVE SINCE CHILDHOOD #AND NOW HE HEARS THIS ITTY BITTY VOICE AND IS LIKE #FUCK IT’S A BABBY I CANNOT HIT THE BABBY HE IS SMOL WHY IS HE OUT RISKING HIS LIFE WHERE IS HIS GUARDIAN RN #WHY IS HE NOT IN SCHOOL FFS

Those tags. ^^

Jun 8 2018 169,431 notes Source

portraitoftheoddity

#BIcon.

Jun 7 2018 44,982 notes Source

iamanartichoke

In Infinity War, Rocket calls the rest of the Guardians morons and later Thor is all, *earnestly* “Farewell and good luck, morons!” like he doesn’t know it’s an insult and guys, he lived on Earth with Tony Stark for two years. He knows what a moron is. That fluffy ball of sunshine just felt like being a little shit. And I now headcanon that Thor probably does this kind of thing a lot bc he gets a kick out of it.

spacefloozy

#he so does #look at his face when he says ‘so cool’ #he loves to be a lil shit #HE GREW UP WITH LOKI HE KNOWS HOW TO FUCK WITH PEOPLE #and he 100% enjoys getting one over on people the same as he would if it WERE loki @angst-wizard

Jun 7 2018 17,820 notes Source

missmargaretcarter

Why I love Ragnarok:

Marvel: Taika, since you’re new, let’s go over how a Thor movie should go: Thor is the god of thunder

Taika: Right…

Marvel: He uses a hammer.

Taika: Don’t need it.

Marvel: Umm, he has long, Viking-esque hair.

Taika: Chris looks better with short hair.

Marvel: Sure, but Thor wears a long red cape.

Taika: Single shoulder capes are more my aesthetic.

Marvel: Well you’ll have to keep his friends, the Warriors Three…

Taika: They’re already dead.

Marvel: No, well, ok, but his father, Odin…

Taika: Don’t need him.

Marvel: …is the king of Asgard.

Taika: As-what? Get rid of it.

Marvel: And his adopted brother Loki is always the villain.

Taika: That little shit? He’s just an over dramatic theatre nerd.

Marvel: Ugh, well Thor has…two eyes?

Taika: Who needs two eyes?

Marvel: Why did we-

Taika: You love me.

Jun 7 2018 26,458 notes Source

avengertonys

quill: we need a distraction. something that’ll really shock thanos. something he won’t see coming.

parker, queuing up ‘umbrella’ by rihanna on his phone: say no more

May 16 2018 73,753 notes Source

cephalotodd

we should make fun of americans more. why dont their shops include tax in the price tag. like how much does this item cost? its a surprise :)

madamebomb

Honestly, tea. I’ve lived here my whole life and I have never once known what my total is gonna be at the register. Total fucking mystery.

2-face

im an ex-american living in new zealand for the past two years and it still never fails to blow my mind that i can take a $2 coin, walk up to a counter with two $1 items, and perform the expected transaction

May 16 2018 391,436 notes Source

underlandwarrior

Practical, not sexist or supposed-to-look-hot female armor which actually protects you.

systlin

Look.

Look at the lack of tit cups.

mama-sass

Bonus:

roachpatrol

argument: captain phasma’s armor is supposed to look hot. but, this is the crucial thing, it looks hot from the point of view of the character herself, and makes perfect sense in the context of the story.

“Phasma had the armor polished in chromium, which had been salvaged from a Naboo yacht that had once belonged to Emperor Palpatine of the Galactic Empire, the First Order’s precursor.”

phasma has spent like all her life in the first order, as a storm trooper. you ask any storm trooper ‘what would be the sexiest possible modification to your armor’ and none of them are going to say ‘cut a boob window’ they’re gonna say ‘plate it with something HARDCORE’.

after they finish high-fiving, they will probably add, ‘AND STICK A CAPE ON.’

victoriancuddler